Love Dissolves Everything

          My older sister, Jane, 77, died late Saturday night, June 8, and was taken off all life support June 11^th.  The last ten days since she went to the hospital have been full of grace and miracles. The attachment between us was brutally severed when I was three and she was fifteen, and I was sent to live with relatives.  I have felt in my body that she and I were very bonded up until that time—yet I have no cognitive memories of those times with her—no memory at all until I was six. I have looked at photos over the years and could feel nothing, other than numb, in relation to her.

          We were never able to be close these 62 since I was sent away, never able to be 'real' sisters, and, despite years of my own therapy and inner work, I yearned, but was never able to cross that chasm of pain and grief, despite numerous attempts. Jane was as frozen as I was.

Jane, Me, Our Mother

 

When she was in the hospital, we spoke every day, sometimes only for 5 minutes, as she was so ill and weak she could not hold the phone at times. In those tiny windows of contact throughout the week, miracles happened: the love that was always there, unable to be expressed for 62 years, was finally spoken, and all the years of pain and separation fell away. The unshed tears and grief of 62 years broke through in a wash of grace, a baptism of Love.

Since Jane passed, I have had beautiful contact with her soul, and more healing has happened between the three-year-old me and the fifteen-year-old Jane. At one point after she transitioned, I saw her with her arms extended, reaching for me. When I opened to that, I realized it was the fifteen-year-old Jane and the three-year-old me she was reaching for.  The three-year-old me climbed right up into her lap. I am still in awe that this life-long heartbreak we shared but could never speak about, could and did dissolve in a moment. Everything fell away and there was just the Love.

I knew when that healing of our younger selves occurred, that the life support she was on would be removed and she could fully release into her spirit birth, even though I had nothing to do with that decision and that had not been the plan. I could feel that Jane was complete, as am I.  I promised her that I would stay in contact with her, and I still feel very much with her as she makes her passage to be reunited with her son who died seventeen years ago after a motorcycle accident, her husband, and our mother.  I have seen and felt them with her and her Light is radiant. All the suffering of a lifetime appears to have dissolved into the Love. She left behind a 55-year-old daughter, who misses her deeply, and a best friend she had for 60 years, and me.

Thank you so much for your loving presence in reading this. My heart is burning with love.... and more love...